Alions

Wacky, Funny, Comedy, messed up and weird music video. Spaceman Pete crashes his spaceship into the Planet of the Perky's. He is the foreigner that they want to meet.

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Steve Colbert

Oh man, this is Hilarious. I just read this. It's interesting to me that this isn't receiving any media attention...I wonder why not.

It's such a clusterfuck...our govt.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Before I begin, I've been asked to make an announcement. Whoever parked 14 black bulletproof SUVs out front, could you please move them? They are blocking in 14 other black bulletproof SUVs, and they need to get out.

Wow! Wow, what an honor! The White House Correspondents' dinner. To actually -- to sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush, to be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper; that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Damn it! The one guy who could have helped.

By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madame First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert, and tonight it is my privilege to celebrate this president, ‘cause we're not so different, he and I. We both get it. Guys like us, we're not some brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut. Right, sir?

That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now, I know some of you are going to say, "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." FOX News, I hold a copyright on that term.

I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists. My gut tells me I live there. I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and I strongly believe it has 50 states, and I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow.

I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit. As a matter of fact, Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome. Your great country makes our Happy Meals possible. I said it's a celebration.

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical!

And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter.

Most of all, I believe in this president. Now, I know there are some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please, please, pay no attention to the people that say the glass is half full. 32% means the glass -- important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. Okay.

Look, folks, my point is that I don't believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it's like the movie Rocky. Alright? The President, in this case, is Rocky Balboa, and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case, I guess, would be the Vice President, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!" And every time he falls, everyone says, "Stay down, Rocky! Stay down!" But does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually loses in the first movie. Okay, doesn't matter. Doesn’t matter.

The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face, so don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say that 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't.

I stand by this man. I stand by this man, because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things, things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.

Now, there may be an energy crisis. Well, this president has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008, we will have a mesquite-powered car.

And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe, obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half. And polls show America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but this reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean, they're elitist, telling us what is or isn't true or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American! I'm with the President. Let history decide what did or did not happen.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.

And as excited as I am to be here with the President, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of FOX News. FOX News gives you both sides of every story: the President's side, and the Vice President's side.

But the rest of you, what are you thinking? Reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished.

Over the last five years you people were so good, over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.

But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction!

Because, really, what incentive do these people have to answer your questions, after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So, the White House has personnel changes. And then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring! If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!

Now, it's not all bad guys out there. There are some of the heroes out there tonight: Christopher Buckley, Jeff Sacks, Ken Burns, Bob Schieffer. I’ve interviewed all of them. By the way, Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to be on my show. I appreciate it. I was just as shocked as everyone here is, I promise you. How's Tuesday for you? I've got Frank Rich, but we can just bump him. And I mean bump him. I know a guy. Say the word.

See who we've got here tonight. We’ve got General Moseley, Air Force Chief of Staff. We’ve got General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. They still support Rumsfeld. Right, you guys aren't retired yet, right? Right, they still support Rumsfeld. Look, by the way, I've got a theory about how to handle these retired generals causing all this trouble: Don't let them retire! Come on, we've got a stop-loss program; let's use it on these guys. I've seen Zinni in that crowd on Wolf Blitzer. If you're strong enough to go on one of those pundit shows, you’re strong enough to stand on a bank of computers and order men into battle. Come on!

Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in just a little while. I had him on the show. It was a very interesting interview, very challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Justice Scalia is here. Justice Scalia, may I be the first to say, “Welcome, sir!” You look fantastic! How are you? Just talking some Sicilian with my paisan.

John McCain is here. John McCain, what a maverick! Somebody find out what fork he used on his salad, because I guarantee you it wasn't a salad fork. This guy could have used a spoon! There's no predicting him. By the way, Senator McCain, it's so wonderful to see you coming back into the Republican fold. I’ve actually got a summer house in South Carolina. Look me up when you go to speak at Bob Jones University. So glad you've seen the light, sir.

Mayor Nagin! Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center and a graham cracker crust of corruption. It's a Mallomar, I guess, is what I'm describing, is a Mallomar. It’s a seasonal cookie.

Joe Wilson is here. Joe Wilson, right down here in front, the most famous husband since Desi Arnaz. And, of course, he brought along his lovely wife Valerie Plame. Oh, my god! Oh, what have I said? Ay, gee monetti! I am sorry, Mr. President, I meant to say he brought along his lovely wife “Joe Wilson's wife.” Patrick Fitzgerald is not here tonight, right? Okay, dodged a bullet.

And, of course, we can't forget the man of the hour, new press secretary, Tony Snow. Secret Service name: "Snow Job." Toughest job. What a hero! Took the second toughest job in government, next to, of course, the ambassador to Iraq. Got some big shoes to fill, Tony. Big shoes to fill. Scott McClellan could say nothing like nobody else. McClellan, of course, eager to retire, really felt like he needed to spend more time with Andrew Card's children.

Now, Mr. President, I wish you hadn't made the decision so quickly, sir. I was vying for the job myself. I think I would have made a fabulous press secretary. I have nothing but contempt for these people.

So, I have reached a point of compacency with my work at (and limitations imposed from) MassArt. I am finally able to work on semi-professional shoots (with little to no budget) where I can still shoot on super 16mm film. I have found a couple of collaborators in Mike G and Michelle and they are, like me highly narrative focused.

The main thing for me at this point is that I am feeling this huge, overwhelming intellectual clarity for the first time in years. I think somehow the stress that I was under while I was here limited me to the point of a stand-still The experiences and challenges I have faced in this institution have made me learn more about myself in a small amount of time than I was able to find out in any other phase of my life. This was mostly because of how much this school limited me, though.
I was noticing the other day that certain students who have gone through this program have had their styles entirely routed and replaced with an imitation of what they have seen. This made me thankful for having resisited and judged what I was being shown on a subconscious level for this time. I definitely regret having gone to this school on the level of a cinematographer, but I am glad I went here because of the people here.

وهذا واضح اننا لا نتكلم نفس اللغه

قيل لي انه اذا كنت لا تملك اي شيء جيد ، لا اقول علي الاطلاق. وجزء مني (البوذيه الجانب يوافق علي ذلك. ولكن ، في هذه المرحله ، وانا محبط من هذه المدرسه بانني يجب ان الالتباس الذي يحصل فعلا. مثل كل انسان.

So, this semester has been kind of slow so far. I am not really into anything that I am working on at the moment and I am kind of just floating along, waiting for graduation. I am trying to work a shoot out where I shoot people doing copoeira @ around 350 fps for footage my reel. I am also working on a getting a solid group of models together to shoot a few things with RPS's Moviecams that look big budget.

I've been renting a lot of movie with Ali lately. We saw Hero, Good Night and Good Luck, I have to check out Gerry soon, etc.


Also, at Gretchen's suggestion, I checked out the work of Gregory Crewdson and quickly went out and bought the book. It's quite amazing how much freedom he has in lighting when working in such a film-like style. I wish, in film, a schedule could allow one to shoot something as carefully as Crewdson does with each of his stills...I am in awe.

Ali and I got Netflix and we have been wathcing a LOT of films. So far, we have watched over 30 movies (which are all archived) and are things I would have thought that I supposed to have been shown at any other film school.

I think it's kind of sad that the day of reckoning has seemingly arrived between "Narrative" and "art film" people at MassArt. I mostly feel this way because I think that either side has a valuable lesson to learn from the other as to how to modify their work to make it more interesting. On the art side, things are a little too wishy washy conceptually because of the very nature of the beast, whereas narrative is too rigidly tied to the rules of approaching moving images. IT goes either way. MY last entry, so fuck this..bye.

California Love

So, the past week has been spent in CA, hanging out with friends, making new ones, and exploring the southern part of this greta state. Man, it's such a crazy place. I got some of the best pictures I have ever seen here and I bought a 24mm lens just for the trip because I am tired of the damn 50mm that I was using before. Here's what we did
Teusday:
- arrived in Long beach
- waited for Michelle to pick us up...she was having sex with her boyfriend at her house when we called
- Michelle picked us up and we went back to her house and hung out in the paradise that is her back yard...fucking amazing (I got some great pictures of the yard, using the two lenses and some nice NC film)
- had a smoothie at the Secret Spot
- smoked a bowl (of tobacco products)
- became a traveling mariachi band with Hank on the way from there
- went to Laguna beach and took some more pictures with Ali, Michelle, and Hank.
- left Laguna beach in this weird parade full of hip, cool people that Michelle got friendly with (she reminds me of Bridget Kelly with her crazy friendliness)...Michelle brought her shaker and was in on it...so funny
- went to a Thai restaurant and met Michelle's sisters (Lily is cool but the other one was kind of a jerk right form the start)
- went home and hung out across the street and slept in Lily's bed with Ali
Wednesday:
- left for LA in Michelle's 1990 Volvo...that she so nicely let us borrow
- got to LA and parked in Glenn's hood
- went on an excursion down the walk of the stars
- saw the Hollywood sign
- saw a lot of weird things and had lunch at a Mexican grill that served to Ali
- took more photos and got to the Chinese movie theater (world famous one) and noticed that there was a shoot going on (an Arri 435 Extreme w/ anamorphic lenses...crazy shit)
- walked further down
- went back to the car
- drove to Malibu beach and had a romantic time there...so much so that we ended up having sex there...he he he
- drove back to Glenn's
- went with Glenn to the package store
- on the way we got sidetracked by Peter Quesada (an AWESOME guy that is Glenn's neighbor)...who is a Sagitarius and it shows...seriously...another dude who was there was a DP and he had claimed that he had used the Panavision Genesis on a recent shoot...I am kind of skeptical
- went to the package store
- hung out with Ali, Ali (Glenn's roomie who was in Spy Kids 3...the main villian actually), Glenn, and Ali's girl who's name escapes me at the moment
- slept uncomfortably on the floor while Ali slept on the couch
Thursday:
- hung out in Hollywood for a little longer
- ate at El Pollo Loco
- went to the Arclight that Glen works at and were about to see a movie when we spotted these maniquens (sp?) that we photographed where the opening of the Hills Have Eyes was going to be
- decided to not see a movie
- went back to Peter's house to photograph him
- talked with him for a LONG time about philosophy
- left LA
- Ali almost killed three Mexican women in a crosswalk after taking a quick left at a green light in front of oncoming traffic and I yelled, "please don't kill those women!!!" as she sped towards them
- got back to Michelle's
- she had to work
- hung out at Lily's before we left for dinner at a Middle Eastern restaurant (never get a Jalab at a restaurant...a drink "infused with incense".....GROSS)
- went back to Lily's
- fell asleep with Ali on Michelle's bed
- Michelle let us sleep there and pulled my shoes off...I had stinky feet...gross
Friday:
- woke up to some kickass omelets
- Michelle left for work
- Hank drove us to the train station but accidentally went too far and caused us to end up at "The Mission"
- arrived in Encinitas and met Ali's Mom who is really really cool/nice..(she dated Marvin Gaye at one point in her life..crayz I know)
- ate dinner at a Japanese place
- hung out
- slept
Saturday:
I will write more about it tomorrow
Sunday:
- woke up
- ?????
I am sick of typing....kind of uneventful so far
Monday:
leaving at 9:40 PM from Long Beach and won't be at school until Teusday

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Last night, I watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and I was impressed by the cinematographer's use of black in the first bedroom scene where Audrey comes in "Fred's" window...the way that he was framed in black parts of the set was really interesting.

I wasn't really impressed by what Hollywood tried to make pass as "dark"...even the night and party scenes were stuck in the harsh lighting of old film and it's inability to deal with underexposure. It was interesting to see how it resembled the flat lighting in the party scene of a rap video that I did that looked particularly unrealistic.

Mediocre Film Depts don't care

So, this week, I am heading out to California to see Glenn and get things in order out there. Also, I am heading out there to see what it's like so I don't end up fucking myself over by moving to a place that I hate.The thing is, I was going to bring a camera but I came to find out that the faculty has it. and that REALLY pisses me off. So, I have to use the shitty PD-170 (as I had to with Scott Willis's shoot because someone in the department thinks that besides getting paid (probably pretty meagerly I admit), they deserve to be able to take away from student's productivity.

It's also hilarious that the Sophmore class ties up the best equipment for the ENTIRE semester so that we literally have to work a small miracle just to shoot something of quality. It was funny when we had to beg, borrow, and steal from people other than the film department just to get some quality lights to use on the Advanced Production Class...a class sponsored by the same department that purposely (I would argue) tried to handicap it in order to see the one narrative fim tacher at MassArt fail and perhaps get fired for this same reason.

It's also quite silly to me that this department is finally going to start moving in the right direction only AFTER me and my peers are gone.

Don't know about you, but I went to college for equipment access...not film theory (the word film theory makes me laugh when I think of this school. ha ha ha)
It's not enough that we only have 2 cameras for 12 students to shoot a 30 minute piece each and the shooting ratios that that needs (you do the math) we have to be given more of a middle finger by the fact that our teachers are taking away from our time to create pieces by taking the cameras out over the single most productive time of the semester..Spring Break. I remember having to wait for three weeks at the beginning of the semester for various people to "let" us take the cameras out. Now, we all know that the first few weeks of September are the best time to shoot because of the weather and people's schedules, but NO, that's just when teachers/studio managers want them to sit there. Man, am I pissed that I have to use a PD-170 for three different projects just because the HDV has been taken out of commission (I heard a faculty memeber had it). Call me old fashioned, but I think I should probably be able to use it if I am forking over this amount of money...but no. Man, I could go on and on about why I hate the film department, but I won't. I'll just say that when I graduate, I won't be giving any money to this terrible school because all it did was make it an impossible uphill battle for me to make anything of quality while I was here...no wonder no one knows about this film department. No lie...everything I have ever attempted at this school was shortened or truncated by the department's facilities, equipment, students, and sometimes even teachers (esp in this case). At this point, I am ready to go away and never even look back. And mark my words, if I am famous/rich one day, I still won't contribute a penny to this terrible program because the way I see it, it owes me $12,000.00 for each year I wasted here.

I could have been making films. But, instead, I went to this school that actually prevented me from making them in any way that it could.

Some stuff that I did

some stuff that I did

Don't Forget HIGH / MED / LOW

and if you don't have quicktime...fuck you.

B Movie in Austin, this summer

Man, I'm psyched to say that Glenn and I are definitely going to be doing a film come hell or high water this summer.
Here's some excellent quotes from our most recent correspondence.

"FUCK, I'M SO SORRY. I READ THAT PRIOR JUST RECENTLY, AND UPON OPENING UP MY EMAIL TO FINALLY REPLY, I GET THE NEXT ONE FROM YOU AND FEEL LIKE A DOUCHE.I myself HATE when people don't reply, and i left you hanging for a bit. Over something important.No, that's not the case. Of course you'll reside with me. Yeah, that was never a question. I'd be a huge dick to even hint at you finding your own squat. Yeah, man. OF COURSE my squat is your squat. That's always been my assumption as well. I can't apologize enough for that misunderstanding.What i was asking, probably in a real vague and jumbled manner, was what your more general plans were for the fall and on. Just trying to feel out if you have any vague handle on the city you're interested in. Here's why:My grandmother passed three weeks ago, and two weeks ago i went to austin for the funeral that weekend. I'd assumed up until then that I would move back permanently from the summer on, but going back, i saw that FOR EVERYTHING i can speak passionately about concerning that city, it's easily a black hole of unproductive partying. man, it really is. (you might be asking around now, "..And you want to make a feature in that city?" to which i reply, "Yes. Yes, Yes, Yes.") Anyway, returning to LA, i realized where i belong. LA.

What i was wondering was, are you interested in LA? I know you're life up until now has been new england-centric, and you have the girl, and A LIFE in new england. I can't live with my current roommates for another year, and vice versa. So i'm just feeling out potential roommates. Just flirting with various potentials. In wondering this, i'm presenting this option in the most open, figurative way.I don't take for granted the fact that you have some faith in this. Likewise, I have faith in you. I'm not foreign to the idea that you coming down and doing this is a HUGE commitment in more ways than one.

So yeah, god, as far as i'm concerned, whether this summer happens or not, you'll always be a lion among tigers in my book.

I almost feel like i have some nerve to further try and lure you into an LA living situation, until i come back to the concept that i'm simply letting you flirt with another option. That's what it is. After we make this movie, whenever it's finished, you have an option to try LA. It took me five or six months to call it home, cause moving your life isn't easy, don't ya know, but it would be an educated method of retaining that 'geeking-out, film school, i have to make cinema' excitement that goes with school. i lost that will for a while when i left, and i can vouch, it's EASY to fall into a post-school life with less of the dream. Honestly though, i'm not trying to steer your life. Just throwing you the logic i've picked up and stand by.And damn, I'M SORRY you're hearing from me in these long-winded, 'life passion' emails. I'm sorry I'm putting you in this position of hesitance, like, 'can i trust glenn's character past his words?'That is your decision.
Sincerely,Glenn
"

drama...saving it fo my mama

This week has been terribly eventful. I have been working on the crew for the narrative film production class as a gaffer/grip. I got into a huge fight with Stephan and Nestor on set. They were taking too long with B unit while we were watching perfect lighting go by. I kind of unplugged a lightor two and they yelled at me. Then, they walked off set because I was yelling at them to break down their lighting stands. Now, I am not a macho guy or a jerk, but being on that set after that, you might think I am the way people were treating me.
I apologized to Nestor this morning.

This left me thinking of why I say and do what I do. I hate to tie it to my upbringing, which is so cliche, but I really do think that I have so little tact because I've experienced that kind of treatment. My Dad would come home and bark at me and my brother like we were inmates....mostly from my mother's commands. I learned that when I am stressed out, this is how I should behave...I should release it onothers. Needless to say, I have to figure out a way around that. I think I came up with a solution.

I told each of the people that saw my wrath that day that if they see it again, to just crack a joke and maybe it'll snap me out of it. Basically, I get into this mental negativity cycle of thought and I get stuck eventually so that I begin to knock down every suggestion that is made to me. I become a know-it-all naysayer.

Why is it so easy for me to see my problem and the cause, but not the solution? My anger is something that I have struggled with for my whole life.
Can I train myself out of it before it ruins my chances of having a career because I burn all of my bridges? I worry like a Woody Allen character.