Some stuff that I did

some stuff that I did

Don't Forget HIGH / MED / LOW

and if you don't have quicktime...fuck you.

B Movie in Austin, this summer

Man, I'm psyched to say that Glenn and I are definitely going to be doing a film come hell or high water this summer.
Here's some excellent quotes from our most recent correspondence.

"FUCK, I'M SO SORRY. I READ THAT PRIOR JUST RECENTLY, AND UPON OPENING UP MY EMAIL TO FINALLY REPLY, I GET THE NEXT ONE FROM YOU AND FEEL LIKE A DOUCHE.I myself HATE when people don't reply, and i left you hanging for a bit. Over something important.No, that's not the case. Of course you'll reside with me. Yeah, that was never a question. I'd be a huge dick to even hint at you finding your own squat. Yeah, man. OF COURSE my squat is your squat. That's always been my assumption as well. I can't apologize enough for that misunderstanding.What i was asking, probably in a real vague and jumbled manner, was what your more general plans were for the fall and on. Just trying to feel out if you have any vague handle on the city you're interested in. Here's why:My grandmother passed three weeks ago, and two weeks ago i went to austin for the funeral that weekend. I'd assumed up until then that I would move back permanently from the summer on, but going back, i saw that FOR EVERYTHING i can speak passionately about concerning that city, it's easily a black hole of unproductive partying. man, it really is. (you might be asking around now, "..And you want to make a feature in that city?" to which i reply, "Yes. Yes, Yes, Yes.") Anyway, returning to LA, i realized where i belong. LA.

What i was wondering was, are you interested in LA? I know you're life up until now has been new england-centric, and you have the girl, and A LIFE in new england. I can't live with my current roommates for another year, and vice versa. So i'm just feeling out potential roommates. Just flirting with various potentials. In wondering this, i'm presenting this option in the most open, figurative way.I don't take for granted the fact that you have some faith in this. Likewise, I have faith in you. I'm not foreign to the idea that you coming down and doing this is a HUGE commitment in more ways than one.

So yeah, god, as far as i'm concerned, whether this summer happens or not, you'll always be a lion among tigers in my book.

I almost feel like i have some nerve to further try and lure you into an LA living situation, until i come back to the concept that i'm simply letting you flirt with another option. That's what it is. After we make this movie, whenever it's finished, you have an option to try LA. It took me five or six months to call it home, cause moving your life isn't easy, don't ya know, but it would be an educated method of retaining that 'geeking-out, film school, i have to make cinema' excitement that goes with school. i lost that will for a while when i left, and i can vouch, it's EASY to fall into a post-school life with less of the dream. Honestly though, i'm not trying to steer your life. Just throwing you the logic i've picked up and stand by.And damn, I'M SORRY you're hearing from me in these long-winded, 'life passion' emails. I'm sorry I'm putting you in this position of hesitance, like, 'can i trust glenn's character past his words?'That is your decision.
Sincerely,Glenn
"

drama...saving it fo my mama

This week has been terribly eventful. I have been working on the crew for the narrative film production class as a gaffer/grip. I got into a huge fight with Stephan and Nestor on set. They were taking too long with B unit while we were watching perfect lighting go by. I kind of unplugged a lightor two and they yelled at me. Then, they walked off set because I was yelling at them to break down their lighting stands. Now, I am not a macho guy or a jerk, but being on that set after that, you might think I am the way people were treating me.
I apologized to Nestor this morning.

This left me thinking of why I say and do what I do. I hate to tie it to my upbringing, which is so cliche, but I really do think that I have so little tact because I've experienced that kind of treatment. My Dad would come home and bark at me and my brother like we were inmates....mostly from my mother's commands. I learned that when I am stressed out, this is how I should behave...I should release it onothers. Needless to say, I have to figure out a way around that. I think I came up with a solution.

I told each of the people that saw my wrath that day that if they see it again, to just crack a joke and maybe it'll snap me out of it. Basically, I get into this mental negativity cycle of thought and I get stuck eventually so that I begin to knock down every suggestion that is made to me. I become a know-it-all naysayer.

Why is it so easy for me to see my problem and the cause, but not the solution? My anger is something that I have struggled with for my whole life.
Can I train myself out of it before it ruins my chances of having a career because I burn all of my bridges? I worry like a Woody Allen character.

why I do what I do

So, lately I have been trying to setup a performance art event and have met roadblocks at every turn. I don't really want to disclose what it is, but you already know, Gretchen.

This is from this website.

* avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.

So, basically the fear of failure one applies ot me. I am more afraid of what people will think when I actually do apply myself. I need some counseling on this, but I am trying to do my own. For now, I am going with merely throwing myself into the fray to get something done rather than just sitting and defeating my every idea before it comes out.

I had so many ideas when I was at UMass when I wasn't able to make films. But, now that I am able to make films and have potential collaborators, I am meeting the biggest challenge of all...my fear of failure.

By Myself = for my reel

This week, I saw the movie Distance. I borrowed it from Sean.

It had a really interesting looking blue scene in it that Sean is referencing in his Data Loss film.
I have been thinking more and more about the lighting effects of early morning before sunrise and the way that the blue light bathes everything around it.

I've also decided to start working on my own things merely to achieve something for my reel...I am done with writing my own narratives for a while because I don;t really think the tests came together structurally as I had planned I couldn't really afford to do any lighting on the scenes either, so it was pretty plain looking.

Anyway, this semester, sooner or later, I plan to hire dancers and actors to play in my shots and just do a piece that isn't necessarily narrative and pans out across some ideal shooting conditions to eb behind the camera as my own boss.

I am going to work with narrative through other people's direction.
I am also going to do some music videos.